Friday, December 5, 2008

Grandma Marie

I cannot even start to imagine how losing you is going to feel. I already miss you thinking about it. I remember being scared out of my mind when I was coming to meet Toms family for the first time, but you were the most comforting family. I had never known what it was like to have a real grandmother. From day one, you showed my sister and I what it was to have a grandmother. I am so greatful to have had you in my life. I know that you have left imprints on my heart. I have learned so much from you. I wanted to learn more. I am not ready for you to let go. I have never made that fudge. I cant imagine not being able to pick up the phone when I am having a bad day or needing some cooking advice.

I cannot explain why I feel numb at moments, like I am dreaming. You cant be done with this life. I dont want you to go. The only things I think will get me through this are all of the great memories of you and I. You were always there for me for anything. I felt so proud to call you my grandma. Because even though you were not my blood grandmother, there was never a day that I thought anything different.

Nothing in life seems to make sense. I miss the sound of your voice. I dont know how Haley is going to take this. This is going to be devastating. I am not ready, im just not. I hope you knew how much you meant to me.

I have so much to tell you since I have talked to you last. I pulled out my wedding pictures today because we just got our things from our house in Virginia sent here, and I was looking through and found this picture. This is the woman I know. I am so glad I got to share that day with you. Your such a power grandma. You helped with my dress, and one of my bridesmaids dresses. One of the pictures I found had you sitting in the front row... with my mother and your son, RIGHT WHERE YOU BELONG! You will always hold a special place in my heart. It hurts to know you will be gone. Not here anymore. I knew it would happen someday but I just did not want it to happen now. You have left such an imprint on so many people. It is hard to cry about this when I think about how great your life has been, the stories of the trials and amazing things you have done. I could sit and listen to your stories all day. Other time the tears just flow like a waterfall and I cant turn them off. Knowing I may not ever hear your voice again makes me sick to my stomach, but having faith that I will see you in heaven again where there will be no pain and suffering will make this easier. I dont want you to be in pain anymore. If gods plan is not to heal you to the grandma I knew, I would rather him take you in peace to rest than make you go through this. I absolutley dont want you to go. I also dont want to see you go through all of this. I know you have worked so hard to fight this infection with all of your soul, but it is your body that your soul has been given that is giving up. I know your soul has not.

I love and miss you tons and I cant wait to see you again. Go home and I will see you when I get there. Jesus will take care of you because I believe you deserve that. Remember, I will be thinking about you everyday. My life wont be the same. Your loved by so many people, you have touched so many hearts. You have lived a great life. I will NEVER forget your smile. I hope to see you in my dreams, to hold me over until the day I get to see you again. Don't forget I love you grandma.

PS-I will always remind Haley and Mitchell of how

great a person their grandmother was.